As we speak, I'm on the run. Not because I'm a criminal, but because I'm not. But in this messed up world, everyone is guilty until proven innocent.
I'll admit I've done some terrible things, and I'm not proud of them. Anyway, enough with the platitudes, let me get into the story.
First of all, I'm a paraphilic. For those of you who don't understand advanced forms of English (which is probably most of you), that's a person with unconventional or atypical sexual interests. I don't want to disgust you with the details but yeah, I'm very extreme. So it's really hard for me to find partners or have long-term relationships.
Anyway, I met this girl named Akoma and we got talking. We hit it off immediately as a lot of our interests were the same. She even said she loved rough sex. In less than two weeks, I asked her out and she accepted. It was like heaven on earth for me, believe me.
One day, I invited her over to my place for dinner. She looked really dazzling in her bright red mini-dress. Long story cut short, I spiked her zobo and when she was unconscious and weak, I and four of my friends sexually abused her till dawn.
Later on that afternoon, she sent me a breakup text but I wasn't bothered, I knew she'd come running right back soon. Dumb chick! Acting like she didn't enjoy it! Foolish like all these #MeToo activists. These were the thoughts running through my head.
Just like I had predicted, she sent me a text one week later, apologizing for airing me and wanting to come back to me. Of course, I wasn't going to give in that easily, so I said she was going to have to seal her apology with something tangible.
She said, "Uhmm...I'm really choked up right now but I'll send you a plate of pepper soup, I'll come to your place later in the night". I agreed happily. This was going to be one of the best days of my life.
I wasn't at home but when I got back, I saw a full cooler of pepper soup sitting on my kitchen table. I quickly called my guys, Great, Jeremy, Boma and Tolu. This was definitely celebration mode.
By the time, they all arrived, I realized one thing was missing: Drinks. This was a celebration after all, there had to be drinks. So I excused myself to buy drinks for the occasion. Before I left, I warned them not to touch the food until I came back.
I warned them, oh, I warned them. I used to tell Great that food would kill him one day, never knew that I was being prophetic. But he's an MC, so he's way too jolly, he laughed it off.
I came back with the drinks and tablets of Viagra, opened the door, walked inside and found my friends...DEAD!!!
Maybe I should call the police? Nah, an Instagram post will suffice.